You're So Easy To Love | {THE AND} Blake & Gina

In This Video

 Blake (she/her) & Gina (she/he/they) have been a couple for 3 years. They both have very different background stories and grew up in different cultures and households, this has led to them wanting to understand each other better, talk about their differences and love one another on a deeper, more intimate level. They’ve built a safe and empathetic communicational space, they’ve learned how to feel comfortable leaning on each other for support and/or help and their love for one another is also teaching them how to love themselves more.

Transcript

0:06
When was the first moment you knew I loved you?
0:10
The first moment I knew that you loved me.
0:15
Hmm.
0:19
I think I said I love you to you pretty quickly.
0:23
Um.
0:24
I think it was that Miami trip,
0:25
About a month before I had asked you to be my girlfriend.
0:29
And you took a month to answer.
0:31
Uh-huh.
0:32
I think when you said yes to be my girlfriend.
0:35
I think you loved me then.
0:37
I feel like, um,
0:39
- I should- I mean,
0:40
I feel like I loved you immediately.
0:42
From our first conversation. - I feel like you
0:44
were pretty much first on all the things,
0:45
I just literally found you first.
0:47
Yeah. - But you,
0:49
You were always quite forward, even just like,
0:51
asked me to be my girlfriend, moving to Atlanta, everything.
0:53
I'm like, Oh my God, I'd need a second to process.
0:55
But it's, I've always like, the answer was always like, immediately, yes.
0:58
I just like, let me pause and think about what's even going on.
1:02
But it was clear, like, you know, I feel like it was clear.
1:05
It´s okay.
1:07
When do you feel closest to me?
1:10
Hmm.
1:13
Um.
1:18
I have a particular moment that, like,
1:19
I cried because it made us feel so close.
1:22
Like, a general moment.
1:23
And it was when you,
1:26
It was on your mom's birthday,
1:28
and you did the memorial for her, and you let me participate.
1:33
Um,
1:34
that made me feel really close to you because, um,
1:38
obviously, your mom passed, and, um,
1:41
we were in a situation where, um,
1:45
you had to go to Korea.
1:46
I couldn't really mourn with you.
1:48
And that was, um,
1:50
Yeah, that was tough.
1:51
It was, obviously it was hard for you, it´s your situation,
1:53
but it, was it was really hard for me to not be there for you.
1:57
and, um, so
2:00
when you, when you did that memorial for your mom
2:02
and you kind of like allowed me to like, bow and participate, it just like,
2:07
it really warmed my heart and it made me feel really close,
2:10
and I appreciated it a lot.
2:11
I don't think I ever said that to you.
2:13
Mhm. - Yeah.
2:15
Of course, honey.
2:22
What do you think is one thing
2:23
I really want you to understand about me?
2:33
I think lately...
2:36
I've found you sort of
2:39
trying to express a little bit more.
2:41
You know, like we've been together for three years,
2:44
and we're both like adults now.
2:46
Allegedly.
2:47
Um.
2:48
But I think sort of learning parts about our past,
2:51
and where we come from,
2:52
and our experiences that have shaped, like
2:55
who and why we are the way we are now,
2:58
and sort of trying to maybe unlearn some of those things.
3:02
or to build better habits.
3:04
Because I think I can be...
3:07
quite impatient.
3:09
Um,
3:11
and maybe on your ass a little bit.
3:13
About some things sometimes, but, you know,
3:17
you check me in those moments
3:19
and you remind me, like,
3:22
“you don't know the journey that I've had”.
3:24
You know what I mean? And,
3:28
you know, we're all,
3:31
you know, making progress and growing and healing and all that.
3:34
So I think,
3:36
Yeah, I think that's spot on for me.
3:40
Of I want you to understand about me.
3:42
I think yeah, I think context just helps.
3:44
Obviously, we have little things that frustrate us
3:47
about one another, or if we´re in a moment,
3:50
and I shut down. I think, yeah, I...
3:54
um,
3:55
maybe behave a certain way in a tense moment.
3:58
But I mean,
4:01
yeah, no, I really appreciate that you have made that effort to,
4:05
you know, think about that in those times.
4:09
My turn? - Mh-mm.
4:13
How do our different upbringings
4:15
affect our relationship?
4:18
Um.
4:20
Yeah, we were raised very different.
4:22
Um.
4:23
I grew up here in the South.
4:25
Um, I come from a mixed family.
4:28
It's just, it doesn't sound anything like your upbringing.
4:31
Like, at all.
4:32
Yeah. - Um.
4:33
You had a very, like, rigid academic upbringing.
4:38
You went to boarding school, you, um, are just
4:41
culturally, completely different from me.
4:44
Yeah.
4:46
I think all of it affects our relationship.
4:48
like just the way we eat, the way we act, you know.
4:50
Definitely.
4:51
I think even, um,
4:54
I think...
4:55
I don´t know, I mean, I think just being,
4:59
you know, I'm Korean and just,
5:04
it's not very accepted
5:07
in Korean culture, you know, being queer.
5:09
Mh-mm.
5:10
Um,
5:12
Yeah, so...
5:12
and just kind of wanting,
5:15
family support and family involvement,
5:18
and really coming
5:21
to a tough reckoning these past couple of years with,
5:25
with family and the realities of that.
5:27
You know? Um.
5:30
Yeah.
5:32
Yeah.
5:32
We didn't have the same experience, I guess,
5:35
with our families in that regard.
5:37
Hm-mm.
5:39
And that does affect our relationship because
5:41
we have a relationship with my family and
5:43
we don't exactly have one with yours.
5:45
Right.
5:46
Um.
5:50
It´s tough. - I think of one day.
5:51
Yeah, we'll see.
5:52
I think. In my heart I feel like, yes, you know,
5:55
but I also don't know them.
5:56
So. - Yeah.
5:58
I mean, I don't even, it's not even like a thing
6:00
that I'm like, Oh, it's my mom and dad.
6:03
I'm like, It's the culture, you know?
6:06
I can't really blame them from their upbringing
6:09
and what they know and
6:12
I don't know.
6:12
I mean, maybe that's just me shrinking myself and saying like,
6:18
I shouldn't really expect much more.
6:20
You know?
6:22
But from what I've witnessed from
6:26
just Korean culture norms,
6:29
maybe even like here in America too,
6:31
in like other communities, um,
6:33
just kind of like not talking about things, um,
6:37
not having the hard conversations,
6:38
not asking the right questions.
6:39
Yeah, I think that's definitely something that differs in our upbringings.
6:43
Not that my family was the most communicative,
6:45
but there are a lot of things out on the table that I feel like perhaps,
6:49
like you guys won't talk about.
6:51
Like your family drama or anything,
6:53
or just like, um,
6:55
the communication is not the same.
6:58
Which is so funny because you're the better communicator
7:00
out of all this.
7:00
But I don't know, whatever.
7:02
Well, I just think it's so much of like
7:05
I, I'm...
7:07
I see what that has done to my family
7:10
and I refuse to be a part of that.
7:12
I don't want that for myself.
7:13
Yeah, that makes sense.
7:16
Yeah.
7:17
What's a pain in me you wish you could heal?
7:20
Mm hmm.
7:22
Mm hmm. - Uh, yeah.
7:30
I think the...
7:37
like, how,
7:37
how much I love you,
7:39
I want you to love yourself that much.
7:41
Um.
7:45
It really hurts me when you know,
7:48
you don't feel
7:52
like you're worthy.
7:58
Cause
8:00
you're the best.
8:01
Thank you.
8:02
You're the best. Um.
8:05
You're so
8:08
generous.
8:09
You know. You're so kind.
8:12
You're so easy to love.
8:21
Whoever didn't make you feel like that.
8:25
That's how I feel.
8:29
What about, - Thank you.
8:31
What about you, baby?
8:32
Um.
8:37
I, Uh,
8:42
I know there's a lot of pain
8:51
that comes from,
8:54
you know, unresolved conversations with your
8:57
parents.
8:58
Oh!
9:00
It´s cool.
9:01
That's definitely a pause.
9:02
Yeah, It's like I didn't want to cry anyway.
9:04
I know, I need some tissue.
9:06
You want some of this? - No.
9:08
It´s okay, I´ve just been
9:10
soaking my pants, with my hands wet.
9:16
Okay.
9:20
I would say a pain that I wish I could heal in you.
9:26
I really wish that
9:29
you were able to have the conversation
9:32
that I know you wanted to have with your mom.
9:35
I know, um,
9:39
the focus was,
9:40
you know, on her health and trying to make her
9:44
as comfortable as possible in the end of her time.
9:48
Yeah. - Um,
9:49
but I know it was eating you up,
9:52
not being able to like,
9:56
say the things you wanted to say,
9:57
or have an open conversation and give your parents
10:01
the opportunity to, like, fully embrace you.
10:07
And, um, I just,
10:09
I wish I could take some of that away from you.
10:12
I know the opportunity is no longer there
10:15
with your mom, but I think
10:19
because she's in a better place, she can see you as a person,
10:23
you know, more completely.
10:24
And I think
10:27
she's fully doing that.
10:29
You know, from wherever she is,
10:30
I think she's super proud of you.
10:32
I think she loves you.
10:32
I think she accepts you.
10:34
I, you know, I,
10:37
I think she's super proud of you.
10:38
And I think in time, your dad will do the same.
10:45
I didn't have the same experience with my parents,
10:49
and it,
10:49
It just really hurts me
10:54
to know that you didn't get the same thing.
10:56
I don't know.
10:57
No one deserves that pain.
11:00
I don't even want to shoulder it.
11:01
You just shouldn't even have it, you know?
11:03
You just shouldn't even have it, you know? I just wish, like, you know,
11:09
I don't.
11:10
You know, I don't.
11:10
I don't feel like they're not proud of me
11:12
and I don't feel like they don't love me, is not like that.
11:14
It's just a matter of like, I wish that
11:19
they had the capacity, you know,
11:22
the tools to really see me.
11:25
Mm hmm.
11:25
And I think, you know, maybe some of it is
11:28
I didn't
11:30
I didn't really give them that chance.
11:32
Also, just because, like,
11:35
I'm not trying to get hurt, you know, But literally.
11:37
You know? - It´s scary, yeah.
11:37
But, - Yeah, literally, yeah.
11:39
I don't know. It's, uh...
11:43
I know in an alternate universe that
11:49
I would have had that.
11:51
Yeah.
11:52
You know, it's not a lack of love.
11:54
It's just. - Mm hmm.
11:56
Limitations on
11:57
Definitely not a lack of love, cause-
11:58
limitations on... - Yeah, that´s clear.
12:01
Yeah.
12:02
Yeah.
12:07
What do you think I need from you
12:08
and are you providing it?
12:12
Um.
12:14
I think
12:16
what you need from me
12:18
Um.
12:21
I think we've kind of already,
12:23
Yeah, we talk about this all the time.
12:24
I feel like we talk about it. Yeah.
12:27
I think, you know, I'm,
12:30
I'm so scatterbrained and just, like, all over the place,
12:34
I think maybe, like, some order
12:36
for me or just, like,
12:43
I guess just more.
12:45
I think you, for certain, are the more responsible of us.
12:50
Not that I tried to shoulder them all off to you.
12:52
I think I just, you know, sometimes I'll forget a thing
12:54
or, like, you're just a better planner.
12:56
Or, like, we need to leave, but here.
12:57
You already have the address plugged into Google Maps,
12:59
or for on the calendar,
13:01
all the things.
13:02
I think you would appreciate it if I
13:04
did a little bit more of that as well.
13:08
I mean, I'm happy to do those things.
13:10
I...we're different people.
13:12
You know, we have different strengths.
13:14
And that's what I always tell you.
13:16
Don't feel bad to lean on me, because I lean on you
13:19
a lot.
13:22
I think,
13:24
the thing that I need from you and
13:25
I think the thing that you need from me,
13:27
is for us to take care of ourselves better.
13:29
A reminder to love on ourselves.
13:30
You know what I mean? Because it's like,
13:32
Mm-hm.
13:33
It's hard to show up for someone else when our cup is empty.
13:37
Yeah. I can't pur anything into your cup
13:39
if I don't have anything. Yeah
13:41
Yeah.
13:43
So yeah, just better, I guess,
13:46
self love and care for each of us.
13:49
Yeah. It´s a work in progress.
13:50
And that helps each other.
13:51
Yeah. - Yeah.
13:52
Yeah, I agree with that.
13:57
what do I need to hear from you?
14:01
What do...
14:02
You need to hear from me?
14:03
Yeah.
14:05
What do you need to hear from me?
14:14
Maybe that...
14:17
we're going to be okay.
14:20
That,
14:22
you know, no matter what,
14:24
you know, um,
14:26
and that I love you always.
14:30
And...
14:38
Yeah, baby, I'm always thinking about you.
14:40
Thank you. - You know.
14:44
I feel the same. Um,
14:48
I'm interested to posit the question as,
14:51
what do you need to hear from me? Mm.
14:54
Mm.
14:56
What do I need to hear from you?
15:05
I think maybe,
15:08
and this probably goes for the both of us,
15:10
the things that we're kind of scared to say.
15:12
Maybe.
15:16
I think, like,
15:18
I really want both of us to work on
15:22
giving the love that we have for each other to ourselves.
15:26
You know, um, - Mm-hmm.
15:29
I think that's what we're,
15:32
I think we're very good at pouring ourselves into each other.
15:35
Yeah. - Yeah.
15:37
And I think we're both, like, empathetic people,
15:39
and we're both very good at, like,
15:41
thinking about how the other person feels,
15:43
and,
15:44
yeah, I just want you to know
15:48
that you're hot shit.
15:50
The way everyone else sees you.
15:51
I want you to know that from within yourself.
15:53
You know, like, without people having to tell you,
15:56
I want you to wake up and feel that and know that.
16:01
Yeah.
16:02
And I think that we,
16:04
we're our biggest obstacles for ourselves.
16:06
We're the biggest thing holding each other back.
16:10
Holding,
16:10
Holding ourselves back, you know?
16:12
So,
16:13
just sort of leaning into that self love and just kind of
16:19
Yeah.
16:20
growing that.
16:21
I feel that
16:26
How are we overcoming our fears together?
16:31
Mhm. We are.
16:38
How are we overcoming our fears together?
16:41
By, you know,
16:45
revealing those deep, dark, ugly truths like,
16:49
you know, we recently experienced I think,
16:53
actively working on healing,
16:56
you know, um,
17:00
I think a lot of our fears
17:02
are just about what lies ahead in life.
17:06
And I think we're just like, I think we've come to a place
17:11
in our relationship where we're like, okay, yeah, like really starting
17:14
to put our heads down and look forward,
17:16
and see how those things can be done.
17:18
And just like talking aloud about it, like just sharing
17:22
with each other, I feel like
17:26
calms our nerves, makes us less scared.
17:29
I think also, you know, we are kind of like anxious with all
17:34
like the unknown and uncertainty of the future and like,
17:38
you know?
17:40
it's very scary. But
17:43
I feel like you've been my rock, you've been my sure thing.
17:46
You've been like the one thing that I'm not, you know, like,
17:51
what is, two months from now going to look like,
17:54
Like, what the hell is life right now?
17:55
You know what I mean?
17:57
Yeah, but I know you were there., for sure, yeah.
17:59
So that's nice and grounding, you know.
18:01
Yeah, you've been my rock so,
18:03
Same.
18:04
I love you so much.
18:05
I love you, too, baby.
18:06
You really are the best.
18:07
You're the best. I thank God for you every day.
18:10
Thank you. Likewise. I really. Yeah.
18:13
I love you so much.
18:18
I guess that's it. - Yeah, I think that's it.
18:21
Hey there.
18:21
Thanks so much for watching.
18:22
If you enjoyed the conversation and want to ask these questions to your own partner,
18:26
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18:28
at theskindeep.com/shop.