In This Video R Transcript 0:02 If you could go back to the first time 0:04 we met 0:04 and give yourself advice 0:05 about being in a relationship with me, 0:08 what would it be and why? 0:09 Run, girl, run! - Oh my God! 0:12 Run! I'm serious. 0:16 I know, I know. 0:17 I'm serious, um... 0:22 obviously at the time that I met you... 0:25 You know, 0:25 I feel like we both 0:26 wanted different things. 0:28 Like, obviously, in the beginning 0:29 I didn't want the relationship. 0:31 But as I spent time with you 0:33 and I grew feelings for you, 0:35 I wanted the relationship, 0:36 and you just weren't there. 0:39 So I feel like at times I was fighting 0:41 by myself 0:42 for a relationship that you did not want. 0:45 And then as time went on, 0:47 then you decided to fight 0:48 for the relationship. 0:49 And I kind of like zoned out 0:51 at that point. 0:52 So even when we did end up trying, 0:54 it was like, 0:56 you know, yeah, it was a mess. - it was a mess. 0:58 - It was a lot. I completely understand that. - Yeah, so... 1:00 I would 1:00 just tell her, just leave from the moment 1:03 the roller coaster 1:04 started, just girl, run fast. 1:08 I think for me, 1:09 I would say lean in. For me, 1:11 I think not being scared. 1:14 You know, relationships or fear of love. 1:16 And if somebody says 1:17 that they love you and, 1:18 you know, they're trying to show you 1:19 that they love you. 1:19 Allow that. 1:20 You know, allow yourself to receive it. 1:21 I think I wasn't 1:22 in a place to really receive it 1:24 because I didn't know what 1:25 that looked like for me. 1:26 And I didn't really know 1:27 how to receive love in that way. 1:29 And just having somebody, you know, that, 1:30 you know, wanting something from me out 1:32 appeared intentions. 1:32 You know, a lot of people, 1:33 they want 1:34 things for their own malicious reasons 1:35 and I'm more used to that 1:37 as opposed to just, you know, people 1:38 just wanting to be around you. 1:40 So I would definitely say 1:41 just lean in more, you know, 1:44 take time and just go- 1:46 go- really just go with the journey. 1:47 Let it- 1:48 let it take you, 1:49 let it take you wherever it's going to go. 1:51 Okay. - Yeah. 1:54 How do you 1:54 describe our relationship to others? 1:57 Oh! 2:00 It’s its own unique thing, 2:02 I think 2:03 is something that we figured out 2:05 how it works. 2:05 We can't always explain it to people, 2:07 but we know each other. 2:08 It's like- it's like we had a friend. 2:10 Whereas, like, 2:10 you give them that look 2:11 and they know what you're saying 2:13 without you saying it. 2:14 I think for us that's kind of how it is, 2:16 I think is one 2:17 we’re still figuring out, like how that works, 2:20 you know, with friendship and just, 2:21 you know, post everything with life. 2:23 Yeah. 2:24 Just trying to maneuver it on our own 2:28 in a way that we 2:29 see fit and is comfortable for us. 2:32 I agree. - What about you? 2:33 I think it's very unordinary, to say 2:37 the least. 2:38 Obviously, we're not together anymore, 2:40 but we care about each other a lot. 2:43 Some people have disagreements 2:45 about us, continue 2:46 to speak outside of the relationship. 2:49 But I think that me, 2:51 you, both understand where we are. 2:53 So I think that's all that matters. 2:55 You know, 2:55 what we decide to continue 2:56 to do versus the outside world. 2:59 I agree. It’s for us to decide on that one 3:02 What’s one experience you wish we never had. 3:05 And why? 3:07 Go ahead. 3:09 Go ahead. 3:11 One experience I wish we never had 3:13 was your birthday. 3:14 Oh, God. 3:16 I feel like that was the worst time ever, 3:21 because, you know... - Yeah. 3:24 Pretty much, you know. You went- Well, 3:27 you invited me to go out and celebrate 3:29 your birthday with you, 3:31 and you had another female friend 3:35 who was very flirtatious 3:38 with you and very all over you. 3:40 Yeah. 3:40 And you decided to walk 3:42 this young lady outside, 3:44 and apparently you guys kissed. 3:46 And when I questioned you about it, 3:48 you lied to me. 3:50 And it hurt my feelings 3:51 because I planned so much 3:52 for your birthday. 3:53 Obviously, we stayed together that night. 3:55 And you still, like, lidy next to me and 3:57 you lied. 3:59 And then you continued to 4:00 lie like a week later still. 4:02 And then decided to finally 4:04 like you know, admit to me 4:06 that that was the case. 4:08 And even when you admitted to me, you didn’t 4:09 even allow me time to process the situation, 4:12 you're just like, “Oh, I did this.” 4:14 And like, “Joanne forgive me.” 4:16 You know, 4:17 so I feel like you just didn't 4:18 give me the space, you know? 4:20 So... 4:20 That was the worst thing 4:21 I've ever done 4:21 when it comes to relationship, like, 4:23 you know, 4:23 that was kind of 4:23 when we first started dating and, 4:25 you know, that doesn't excuse it, 4:26 but I just 4:27 I didn't set the right boundaries. 4:28 I wasn't paying attention. 4:29 You know, I allowed certain things 4:31 in my space that I shouldn’t have 4:32 and to this day tha’s my- 4:34 you know, if I had any regrets 4:35 that’s probably- 4:36 That's the biggest one. 4:36 Not probably. That's the biggest one 4:38 because 4:39 literally that day changed the whole 4:40 outcome for everything else. 4:43 Like I could understand 4:45 why, you know, certain feelings have not, 4:48 you know, we haven't got past certain things. 4:50 I kinda understand why not certain resolutions. 4:53 I can understand, 4:54 you know, why 4:54 you may not ever want to be together 4:56 again, and that’s cool. 4:57 You know I get it. You know me. 4:57 I'm a very understanding person 4:59 and I gave you time to heal and, 5:01 you know, do what you got to do. 5:02 But obviously, 5:03 I was, you know, screwing up stuff 5:04 and not really in the right mind. 5:06 So, that's it for me. - Yeah. 5:07 That's the experience for sure. 5:09 Okay. 5:13 Why do you think we are still friends? 5:17 Um, ‘cause I think at the end of the day, 5:19 you know, you know my heart. 5:20 You know what I mean? 5:21 And I know your heart. And I think also, like 5:25 we know that we're 5:25 going to come to each other's rescue, 5:27 you know what I'm saying? 5:27 Like we really, really need it. 5:28 Like is, you know, that’s just what it is. 5:31 And I think because 5:33 that's the choice that we made, 5:35 you know what I mean? 5:35 That's the choice that we decided 5:37 upon is like, 5:38 you know, 5:38 even if we're not able to be 5:40 with each other in this capacity, 5:41 like it's still even on 5:43 negative is happening. 5:44 Still a lot of good has 5:45 come out of this, you know what I mean? 5:47 So I believe that that's why we're still, 5:50 you know, friends. 5:51 For me, I think the same thing. 5:53 Like we genuinely do 5:54 care about each other. 5:56 Could it be a little codependent? 5:59 Maybe a little bit. - Yeah. 6:01 So, I don't know, I guess 6:03 just navigating through the circumstances 6:05 and just having better boundaries 6:06 because obviously, like, 6:08 you know, 6:08 if you decide to start dating 6:09 or if I decide, you know, to go 6:11 my way, then, 6:13 you know, 6:13 we have to be respectful of whoever 6:15 the next individual will be in our lives, so... 6:17 I don't think we have been you know, 6:19 I know you say 6:19 codependent. You said before, I don't know 6:20 necessarily think is codependency, 6:23 because we can live life 6:24 without each other. 6:25 I think for us, 6:27 we have brought 6:28 the best out of each other. 6:29 You know what I mean? 6:29 Like I feel like you hit like another level. 6:32 You know what I mean? 6:32 Of you being able to be vocal, 6:34 you being able to put your foot down, 6:35 you being able to set boundaries 6:38 and then loving yourself. 6:39 You know what I mean? 6:39 I think 6:40 us being the type of people 6:41 that we overextend for other people, 6:44 you know, both of us 6:45 have seen that in each other 6:46 wanting to help us realize, okay, 6:47 well, let's take time for each other. 6:49 So at the end of the day, we both 6:51 I believe respect that about each other. 6:53 And we just, you know, we're 6:54 just trying to figure it out, you know? 6:56 Okay. - So, yeah. 6:58 What are you hesitant to tell me 7:00 and why? 7:04 Um, at this moment, 7:07 I think 7:08 I'm very hesitant to share with you that, 7:12 um, obviously 7:13 I still care for you 7:14 and I still love you, 7:16 but I genuinely 7:17 don't know if we would be able 7:19 to, like, rekindle anything. 7:22 I do feel like that you want that. 7:24 It may not be right now, 7:26 but I do feel like down the line 7:27 that's something 7:29 you look forward to 7:30 or like would hope for. 7:31 Mmhm. 7:32 But I just feel like I'm 7:33 in a different space. 7:35 Um, and I love you a lot. 7:38 Like, obviously you know that, 7:40 but you know, it's hard to get past 7:42 certain things 7:43 that happened in our relationship 7:45 and obviously where we are now. 7:47 Yeah, I understand that and I accept that. 7:49 I think for me, 7:50 I'm not really hesitant 7:51 to tell you anything. 7:52 I think for me, I'm 7:53 always pretty open with you. 7:55 I always have been 7:56 to tell you how I feel, 7:57 tell you what I 7:58 you know, what I think 7:59 and things like that. 7:59 So I understand that. I'm not- 8:02 I won't necessarily say hopeful, but, 8:06 you know, you don't know. 8:07 You know, you don't know. 8:08 So I guess just the not knowing 8:10 does- it kinda annoys me sometimes, but, 8:13 you know, I'm always open 8:15 I always tell you what’s up. 8:16 Yeah. - That's just how I’ve always been. 8:17 So... 8:19 I guess we shall see. 8:21 I mean, at the end of the day, 8:22 that’s it really. That’s it. 8:26 What do you feel is the biggest challenge 8:29 to our relationship right now 8:31 and what should we do about it? 8:33 Um, I think just, I think it's 8:37 still like some resentment 8:39 and some things like, 8:40 or I think it's still some lingering 8:41 feelings about the past 8:42 because I think 8:43 until we're able to, you know, 8:46 I think for me, you know, 8:47 and that's why I'm here, 8:48 it’s the reconciliation- being able 8:49 to reconcile about some things 8:51 and come to peace and forgiveness 8:53 on some things. 8:54 So for me, that's the main thing. 8:56 And I think that's the hardest thing. 8:58 And that's 8:58 why we like 8:59 we bump heads so much 9:00 sometimes because, you know, you’re adamant on 9:02 how you feel. 9:03 There's nothing wrong with that. 9:04 But I think 9:05 because how you feel, 9:06 because I 9:06 how I feel like both of us 9:08 feeling like maybe we didn't 9:09 get a chance to speak our mind 9:10 in certain places, 9:11 like now 9:11 I have to say how I feel, like 9:13 I won't, you know, 9:14 And I know you being a person 9:16 where you were 9:16 not a very vocal person to now 9:18 you are vocal like you have to say 9:20 how you feel 9:20 because you don't want to be, you know, 9:21 looked over or anything like that. 9:23 Yeah, 9:24 I mean, I agree 9:25 because obviously at times, 9:26 like I would try to talk to you 9:28 even when, you know, 9:30 I couldn't per se 9:32 and you wouldn't listen, 9:33 you know, it was more 9:34 so like your voice had to be heard. 9:36 And when I tried to express 9:38 my voice, like, 9:39 you know, was kind of like 9:40 put to the back burner. 9:41 So now, like, obviously, you know, at times 9:44 I scream 9:45 because it's like, you're not listening. 9:47 I need you to listen to what I'm saying. 9:50 So, um, I don't know. 9:52 I think just a lot of different 9:54 things happened, 9:55 and I feel like I've been trying 9:58 to be your friend, 9:59 and I feel like you don't want that, 10:01 you know, or you're not willing to 10:03 accept that friendship 10:06 because 10:06 you said, 10:06 you know, 10:07 little slick remarks, Oh, my gosh, 10:08 I can't wait 10:09 ‘til you get a man, so you can leave me alone. 10:11 And, you know, stuff like that. 10:13 And that's hurtful. You laughing. 10:15 But it's not funny, 10:16 you know, 10:16 because I genuinely want, 10:18 you know, to be your friend and, 10:20 you know, 10:21 but sometimes I just don't 10:22 because I feel like 10:23 maybe that's not in our story, you know? 10:27 And, you know, 10:27 I'm always open to being your friend. 10:29 I think for me just still dealing with, 10:31 you know, emotions, 10:32 you know, just like you might be dealing 10:33 with from a relationship. 10:34 And, you know, 10:35 you know, 10:35 you know, things that I struggle with. 10:36 You know what I mean? 10:39 I think still having some of that 10:40 in the back of my mind is like, 10:41 okay, well, I don't want to put my 10:42 you know, 10:43 I want to be her friend, 10:44 but then I, like 10:45 my feelings are still sensitive, 10:46 I'm still healing. 10:47 So I'm still trying to figure out how to, 10:50 you know, how to kind of walk that line. 10:54 And, you know, that's not normal. 10:55 You know what I mean? 10:55 It's not always normal, but, you know, 10:58 that's for us to figure out. 10:59 But I'm also at a point 10:59 now where I just kind of just go with it 11:01 like I just go wherever it goes. 11:02 So, that’s where I’m at. - Okay. 11:08 Why do you love me? 11:12 I love you 11:13 because you are always there for me. 11:16 You are very selfless. 11:19 Literally will drop anything at the moment 11:22 that I call you like to rescue me. 11:24 Like even when I was having bad cycles, 11:27 you would literally come bring me soup 11:29 or bring me anything 11:31 like that I ask for. 11:32 So you just love me the way that you do 11:36 it makes me want to love you 11:38 and just be there for you 11:40 as much as I can 11:41 because you extended yourself to me. 11:43 So I want to do the same. 11:46 If this were to be our last 11:47 conversation ever, 11:50 what would you never want me to forget? 11:53 Uh, that I love you, 11:54 and that I want the best for you, you know? 11:55 At the end of the day that’s it. 11:58 You know, and I'm- I know you gave- 12:00 I accept all that you given. 12:02 I see you. 12:04 I recognize all the work that you bring. 12:06 I know 12:06 sometimes you don't think that I do, 12:08 but I see everything that you done. 12:10 I know that you tried your best, 12:11 and I'm cool. 12:12 I'm at peace 12:12 with it. So... - I agree. 12:15 I want you to know that 12:16 I love you as well. 12:17 And that I obviously want 12:19 always the best for you. 12:22 I want you to be 12:23 the best version of yourself. 12:25 I want you to fight for yourself. 12:28 And I just want you to know that I love you. 12:30 Yeah, I love you too. 12:32 It’s all good. 12:33 Made me so sad. 12:36 Hey there. 12:37 Thanks so much for watching. 12:38 If this video inspired you 12:40 to have a difficult 12:41 or more heartfelt conversation 12:43 with somebody you either fought with 12:44 or broken up with, 12:46 check out 12:46 Healing Edition card game at 12:48 theskindeep.com/shop
