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Exes: Maybe That’s Not In Our Story | {THE AND} Joanne & Ahmad
Exes: Maybe That’s Not In Our Story | {THE AND} Joanne & Ahmad
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Author
Rosie Gardel
|
Posted
February 15, 2023
In This Video
R
Transcript
0:02
If you could go back to the first time
0:04
we met
0:04
and give yourself advice
0:05
about being in a relationship with me,
0:08
what would it be and why?
0:09
Run, girl, run! - Oh my God!
0:12
Run! I'm serious.
0:16
I know, I know.
0:17
I'm serious, um...
0:22
obviously at the time that I met you...
0:25
You know,
0:25
I feel like we both
0:26
wanted different things.
0:28
Like, obviously, in the beginning
0:29
I didn't want the relationship.
0:31
But as I spent time with you
0:33
and I grew feelings for you,
0:35
I wanted the relationship,
0:36
and you just weren't there.
0:39
So I feel like at times I was fighting
0:41
by myself
0:42
for a relationship that you did not want.
0:45
And then as time went on,
0:47
then you decided to fight
0:48
for the relationship.
0:49
And I kind of like zoned out
0:51
at that point.
0:52
So even when we did end up trying,
0:54
it was like,
0:56
you know, yeah, it was a mess. - it was a mess.
0:58
- It was a lot. I completely understand that. - Yeah, so...
1:00
I would
1:00
just tell her, just leave from the moment
1:03
the roller coaster
1:04
started, just girl, run fast.
1:08
I think for me,
1:09
I would say lean in. For me,
1:11
I think not being scared.
1:14
You know, relationships or fear of love.
1:16
And if somebody says
1:17
that they love you and,
1:18
you know, they're trying to show you
1:19
that they love you.
1:19
Allow that.
1:20
You know, allow yourself to receive it.
1:21
I think I wasn't
1:22
in a place to really receive it
1:24
because I didn't know what
1:25
that looked like for me.
1:26
And I didn't really know
1:27
how to receive love in that way.
1:29
And just having somebody, you know, that,
1:30
you know, wanting something from me out
1:32
appeared intentions.
1:32
You know, a lot of people,
1:33
they want
1:34
things for their own malicious reasons
1:35
and I'm more used to that
1:37
as opposed to just, you know, people
1:38
just wanting to be around you.
1:40
So I would definitely say
1:41
just lean in more, you know,
1:44
take time and just go-
1:46
go- really just go with the journey.
1:47
Let it-
1:48
let it take you,
1:49
let it take you wherever it's going to go.
1:51
Okay. - Yeah.
1:54
How do you
1:54
describe our relationship to others?
1:57
Oh!
2:00
It’s its own unique thing,
2:02
I think
2:03
is something that we figured out
2:05
how it works.
2:05
We can't always explain it to people,
2:07
but we know each other.
2:08
It's like- it's like we had a friend.
2:10
Whereas, like,
2:10
you give them that look
2:11
and they know what you're saying
2:13
without you saying it.
2:14
I think for us that's kind of how it is,
2:16
I think is one
2:17
we’re still figuring out, like how that works,
2:20
you know, with friendship and just,
2:21
you know, post everything with life.
2:23
Yeah.
2:24
Just trying to maneuver it on our own
2:28
in a way that we
2:29
see fit and is comfortable for us.
2:32
I agree. - What about you?
2:33
I think it's very unordinary, to say
2:37
the least.
2:38
Obviously, we're not together anymore,
2:40
but we care about each other a lot.
2:43
Some people have disagreements
2:45
about us, continue
2:46
to speak outside of the relationship.
2:49
But I think that me,
2:51
you, both understand where we are.
2:53
So I think that's all that matters.
2:55
You know,
2:55
what we decide to continue
2:56
to do versus the outside world.
2:59
I agree. It’s for us to decide on that one
3:02
What’s one experience you wish we never had.
3:05
And why?
3:07
Go ahead.
3:09
Go ahead.
3:11
One experience I wish we never had
3:13
was your birthday.
3:14
Oh, God.
3:16
I feel like that was the worst time ever,
3:21
because, you know... - Yeah.
3:24
Pretty much, you know. You went- Well,
3:27
you invited me to go out and celebrate
3:29
your birthday with you,
3:31
and you had another female friend
3:35
who was very flirtatious
3:38
with you and very all over you.
3:40
Yeah.
3:40
And you decided to walk
3:42
this young lady outside,
3:44
and apparently you guys kissed.
3:46
And when I questioned you about it,
3:48
you lied to me.
3:50
And it hurt my feelings
3:51
because I planned so much
3:52
for your birthday.
3:53
Obviously, we stayed together that night.
3:55
And you still, like, lidy next to me and
3:57
you lied.
3:59
And then you continued to
4:00
lie like a week later still.
4:02
And then decided to finally
4:04
like you know, admit to me
4:06
that that was the case.
4:08
And even when you admitted to me, you didn’t
4:09
even allow me time to process the situation,
4:12
you're just like, “Oh, I did this.”
4:14
And like, “Joanne forgive me.”
4:16
You know,
4:17
so I feel like you just didn't
4:18
give me the space, you know?
4:20
So...
4:20
That was the worst thing
4:21
I've ever done
4:21
when it comes to relationship, like,
4:23
you know,
4:23
that was kind of
4:23
when we first started dating and,
4:25
you know, that doesn't excuse it,
4:26
but I just
4:27
I didn't set the right boundaries.
4:28
I wasn't paying attention.
4:29
You know, I allowed certain things
4:31
in my space that I shouldn’t have
4:32
and to this day tha’s my-
4:34
you know, if I had any regrets
4:35
that’s probably-
4:36
That's the biggest one.
4:36
Not probably. That's the biggest one
4:38
because
4:39
literally that day changed the whole
4:40
outcome for everything else.
4:43
Like I could understand
4:45
why, you know, certain feelings have not,
4:48
you know, we haven't got past certain things.
4:50
I kinda understand why not certain resolutions.
4:53
I can understand,
4:54
you know, why
4:54
you may not ever want to be together
4:56
again, and that’s cool.
4:57
You know I get it. You know me.
4:57
I'm a very understanding person
4:59
and I gave you time to heal and,
5:01
you know, do what you got to do.
5:02
But obviously,
5:03
I was, you know, screwing up stuff
5:04
and not really in the right mind.
5:06
So, that's it for me. - Yeah.
5:07
That's the experience for sure.
5:09
Okay.
5:13
Why do you think we are still friends?
5:17
Um, ‘cause I think at the end of the day,
5:19
you know, you know my heart.
5:20
You know what I mean?
5:21
And I know your heart. And I think also, like
5:25
we know that we're
5:25
going to come to each other's rescue,
5:27
you know what I'm saying?
5:27
Like we really, really need it.
5:28
Like is, you know, that’s just what it is.
5:31
And I think because
5:33
that's the choice that we made,
5:35
you know what I mean?
5:35
That's the choice that we decided
5:37
upon is like,
5:38
you know,
5:38
even if we're not able to be
5:40
with each other in this capacity,
5:41
like it's still even on
5:43
negative is happening.
5:44
Still a lot of good has
5:45
come out of this, you know what I mean?
5:47
So I believe that that's why we're still,
5:50
you know, friends.
5:51
For me, I think the same thing.
5:53
Like we genuinely do
5:54
care about each other.
5:56
Could it be a little codependent?
5:59
Maybe a little bit. - Yeah.
6:01
So, I don't know, I guess
6:03
just navigating through the circumstances
6:05
and just having better boundaries
6:06
because obviously, like,
6:08
you know,
6:08
if you decide to start dating
6:09
or if I decide, you know, to go
6:11
my way, then,
6:13
you know,
6:13
we have to be respectful of whoever
6:15
the next individual will be in our lives, so...
6:17
I don't think we have been you know,
6:19
I know you say
6:19
codependent. You said before, I don't know
6:20
necessarily think is codependency,
6:23
because we can live life
6:24
without each other.
6:25
I think for us,
6:27
we have brought
6:28
the best out of each other.
6:29
You know what I mean?
6:29
Like I feel like you hit like another level.
6:32
You know what I mean?
6:32
Of you being able to be vocal,
6:34
you being able to put your foot down,
6:35
you being able to set boundaries
6:38
and then loving yourself.
6:39
You know what I mean?
6:39
I think
6:40
us being the type of people
6:41
that we overextend for other people,
6:44
you know, both of us
6:45
have seen that in each other
6:46
wanting to help us realize, okay,
6:47
well, let's take time for each other.
6:49
So at the end of the day, we both
6:51
I believe respect that about each other.
6:53
And we just, you know, we're
6:54
just trying to figure it out, you know?
6:56
Okay. - So, yeah.
6:58
What are you hesitant to tell me
7:00
and why?
7:04
Um, at this moment,
7:07
I think
7:08
I'm very hesitant to share with you that,
7:12
um, obviously
7:13
I still care for you
7:14
and I still love you,
7:16
but I genuinely
7:17
don't know if we would be able
7:19
to, like, rekindle anything.
7:22
I do feel like that you want that.
7:24
It may not be right now,
7:26
but I do feel like down the line
7:27
that's something
7:29
you look forward to
7:30
or like would hope for.
7:31
Mmhm.
7:32
But I just feel like I'm
7:33
in a different space.
7:35
Um, and I love you a lot.
7:38
Like, obviously you know that,
7:40
but you know, it's hard to get past
7:42
certain things
7:43
that happened in our relationship
7:45
and obviously where we are now.
7:47
Yeah, I understand that and I accept that.
7:49
I think for me,
7:50
I'm not really hesitant
7:51
to tell you anything.
7:52
I think for me, I'm
7:53
always pretty open with you.
7:55
I always have been
7:56
to tell you how I feel,
7:57
tell you what I
7:58
you know, what I think
7:59
and things like that.
7:59
So I understand that. I'm not-
8:02
I won't necessarily say hopeful, but,
8:06
you know, you don't know.
8:07
You know, you don't know.
8:08
So I guess just the not knowing
8:10
does- it kinda annoys me sometimes, but,
8:13
you know, I'm always open
8:15
I always tell you what’s up.
8:16
Yeah. - That's just how I’ve always been.
8:17
So...
8:19
I guess we shall see.
8:21
I mean, at the end of the day,
8:22
that’s it really. That’s it.
8:26
What do you feel is the biggest challenge
8:29
to our relationship right now
8:31
and what should we do about it?
8:33
Um, I think just, I think it's
8:37
still like some resentment
8:39
and some things like,
8:40
or I think it's still some lingering
8:41
feelings about the past
8:42
because I think
8:43
until we're able to, you know,
8:46
I think for me, you know,
8:47
and that's why I'm here,
8:48
it’s the reconciliation- being able
8:49
to reconcile about some things
8:51
and come to peace and forgiveness
8:53
on some things.
8:54
So for me, that's the main thing.
8:56
And I think that's the hardest thing.
8:58
And that's
8:58
why we like
8:59
we bump heads so much
9:00
sometimes because, you know, you’re adamant on
9:02
how you feel.
9:03
There's nothing wrong with that.
9:04
But I think
9:05
because how you feel,
9:06
because I
9:06
how I feel like both of us
9:08
feeling like maybe we didn't
9:09
get a chance to speak our mind
9:10
in certain places,
9:11
like now
9:11
I have to say how I feel, like
9:13
I won't, you know,
9:14
And I know you being a person
9:16
where you were
9:16
not a very vocal person to now
9:18
you are vocal like you have to say
9:20
how you feel
9:20
because you don't want to be, you know,
9:21
looked over or anything like that.
9:23
Yeah,
9:24
I mean, I agree
9:25
because obviously at times,
9:26
like I would try to talk to you
9:28
even when, you know,
9:30
I couldn't per se
9:32
and you wouldn't listen,
9:33
you know, it was more
9:34
so like your voice had to be heard.
9:36
And when I tried to express
9:38
my voice, like,
9:39
you know, was kind of like
9:40
put to the back burner.
9:41
So now, like, obviously, you know, at times
9:44
I scream
9:45
because it's like, you're not listening.
9:47
I need you to listen to what I'm saying.
9:50
So, um, I don't know.
9:52
I think just a lot of different
9:54
things happened,
9:55
and I feel like I've been trying
9:58
to be your friend,
9:59
and I feel like you don't want that,
10:01
you know, or you're not willing to
10:03
accept that friendship
10:06
because
10:06
you said,
10:06
you know,
10:07
little slick remarks, Oh, my gosh,
10:08
I can't wait
10:09
‘til you get a man, so you can leave me alone.
10:11
And, you know, stuff like that.
10:13
And that's hurtful. You laughing.
10:15
But it's not funny,
10:16
you know,
10:16
because I genuinely want,
10:18
you know, to be your friend and,
10:20
you know,
10:21
but sometimes I just don't
10:22
because I feel like
10:23
maybe that's not in our story, you know?
10:27
And, you know,
10:27
I'm always open to being your friend.
10:29
I think for me just still dealing with,
10:31
you know, emotions,
10:32
you know, just like you might be dealing
10:33
with from a relationship.
10:34
And, you know,
10:35
you know,
10:35
you know, things that I struggle with.
10:36
You know what I mean?
10:39
I think still having some of that
10:40
in the back of my mind is like,
10:41
okay, well, I don't want to put my
10:42
you know,
10:43
I want to be her friend,
10:44
but then I, like
10:45
my feelings are still sensitive,
10:46
I'm still healing.
10:47
So I'm still trying to figure out how to,
10:50
you know, how to kind of walk that line.
10:54
And, you know, that's not normal.
10:55
You know what I mean?
10:55
It's not always normal, but, you know,
10:58
that's for us to figure out.
10:59
But I'm also at a point
10:59
now where I just kind of just go with it
11:01
like I just go wherever it goes.
11:02
So, that’s where I’m at. - Okay.
11:08
Why do you love me?
11:12
I love you
11:13
because you are always there for me.
11:16
You are very selfless.
11:19
Literally will drop anything at the moment
11:22
that I call you like to rescue me.
11:24
Like even when I was having bad cycles,
11:27
you would literally come bring me soup
11:29
or bring me anything
11:31
like that I ask for.
11:32
So you just love me the way that you do
11:36
it makes me want to love you
11:38
and just be there for you
11:40
as much as I can
11:41
because you extended yourself to me.
11:43
So I want to do the same.
11:46
If this were to be our last
11:47
conversation ever,
11:50
what would you never want me to forget?
11:53
Uh, that I love you,
11:54
and that I want the best for you, you know?
11:55
At the end of the day that’s it.
11:58
You know, and I'm- I know you gave-
12:00
I accept all that you given.
12:02
I see you.
12:04
I recognize all the work that you bring.
12:06
I know
12:06
sometimes you don't think that I do,
12:08
but I see everything that you done.
12:10
I know that you tried your best,
12:11
and I'm cool.
12:12
I'm at peace
12:12
with it. So... - I agree.
12:15
I want you to know that
12:16
I love you as well.
12:17
And that I obviously want
12:19
always the best for you.
12:22
I want you to be
12:23
the best version of yourself.
12:25
I want you to fight for yourself.
12:28
And I just want you to know that I love you.
12:30
Yeah, I love you too.
12:32
It’s all good.
12:33
Made me so sad.
12:36
Hey there.
12:37
Thanks so much for watching.
12:38
If this video inspired you
12:40
to have a difficult
12:41
or more heartfelt conversation
12:43
with somebody you either fought with
12:44
or broken up with,
12:46
check out
12:46
Healing Edition card game at
12:48
theskindeep.com/shop
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//eu.theskindeep.com/cdn/shop/users/avatar_250x250_crop_center_eba559ff-0f4d-4b92-9b43-ac52660db185_200x200.jpg?v=1655735557
Author
Rosie Gardel
|
Posted
February 15, 2023
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